Imagine it is the middle of the night. You and your husband know that time is not on your side. To stay where you are means certain death (you've seen your neighbors lined up and shot in front of mass graves); but to leave means to literally leave everyone and everything behind. You will travel for miles under unknown circumstances; and there is no guarantee leaving won't mean your death, anyway. If you're caught; at worst, you'll be killed; at best, you'll be separated, maybe permanently. What about the kids? Your daughter is 8 and your son is 5. How can you expect them to remain quiet? What will happen to them? How do we know our final destination will be any better than here?
Growing up, these are the stories I heard from my grandparents and their friends. It seemed more like a script from a movie than someone's actual life. I sit here, in my cozy living room, full of comforts and luxuries, and try to picture making those same decisions. How do people face the uncertain, under immense pressure of literally life and death decisions, and not be crippled to inaction by fear? According to scientists and authors, the answer is: hope.
According to Michael T, Scott, in his book Handbook of Hope, "Research studies have shown that hope correlates significantly and negatively with anxiety. Hope protects against perceptions of vulnerability, uncontrollability, and unpredictability, as well as off-task cognitive interference." You could argue that my grandparents had no choice: life or death is quite a motivator; however, there were many of my grandparents' family members that chose to remain in the Ukraine, or at least somewhere in the USSR, instead of leaving. From what I remember of my grandparents, it was always the hope that there was something better around the bend that made them push through their fear and uncertainty.
So what lesson did I, or can we, learn from their experiences? Do not let fear of the unknown immobilize you. According to New York Times' best selling author, Harvey Mackay, "playing it safe isn't the way to get ahead. You've got to go out on a limb sometimes --but not so far that you fall off." (Mackay, 2015).
Mackay, an entrepreneur who started and built a successful multi-million dollar business, advises us to take these small steps to move forward in the face of fear:
Know your motivations: Make sure the goal or action is really important to you.
Define Success at the start: You should have a clear idea where you're going.
Look at the best and worst outcomes: Is the risk worth the reward?
Consider your timetable: How quickly do you need results?
Focus on benefits, not dangers: Keep the hazards in mind, but don't let them overwhelm you.
Get started: Determine what you need to begin, and then do it.
Do what matters to you: Make sure your actions are in line with your values.
When you enter, "How to overcome fear and achieve your goals" in the search bar, Google provides us with lots of articles on the subject, including articles in Forbes, Inc., etc.. Maybe that can help you check the box next to your "Get Started" from the above list? As the old saying goes, "You got this!"
References:
Michael, Scott T. (2000). "Hope Conquers Fear" in Handbook of Hope (0-12-654050-0, 978-0-12-654050-5), (p. 301).
Mackay, H. (2015, Jun 01). "Overcome fears, learn to take risks effectively." Arizona Republic retrieved from https://ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/login?url=https://www.proquest.com/newspapers/overcome-fears-learn-take-risks-effectively/docview/1684400324/se-2?accountid=13158
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